


Bingo Is Fun Even If You're Under 60

by bigtoasty



Series: family night with the zoldycks [1]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Gen, M/M, its 2am and i only write comedy because i'm afraid of emotions, kalluto is woke, literally just contains the phrase kinky sex, mentions of kinky sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-09-18 17:39:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9396020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigtoasty/pseuds/bigtoasty
Summary: I told my friends Dicey and Ellie I'd write a fic and it'd be a bingo fic because for some reason i hyperfixated on that. I'm bad at writing but I tried. Please enjoy this pure hisoillu.





	

  Hisoka was never invited to the Zoldyck estate. He's been there more than the family likes to acknowledge, but no one actually invites him, he just shows up. They don't question it anymore. Having a taste for murder but a soft spot for competitive dodgeball and stilettos makes you unpredictable even in the eyes of people who are professionally unpredictable.  
 

  Even if they don't like to admit it, he doesn't get in the way. His presence is loud and obnoxious, yes, but Illumi keeps him pretty busy. Doing whatever. No one thinks too much about it. So he doesn't get in the way. Not always. Not usually. Just tonight. Tonight he's in the way.

 

"The next number is-"

 

"Sixty Ni-"

  
"IT'S NOT SIXTY NINE"

  
"Oh, I wasn't guessing, that was a suggestion. For later."

 

Tonight was Illumi's night to call the bingo numbers. It's never fun, mind you, because he loved bingo. Who doesn't love bingo? It's a great game. But back to Illumi. It's even less fun when your personal clown nuisance shows up to play. He frowned.

 

"The number is 37"

 

"Oh, sweet!" said Gon, who was there, for reasons. The reason was that Killua only accepted invitations if Gon was part of the package. Killua hated being there, most of the family hated Gon, they reached an agreement.

 

With a wink to the bingo master (coincidentally the 37th of the night, he was counting) Hisoka placed a new condom he pulled from the endless condom string that came out of his sleeve on the appropriate square.

 

"I thought clowns pulled handkerchiefs from their sleeves" Killua said under his breath. The condoms bothered everyone, but the white-haired boy remained the only person in the room who didn't try to rise above it.

 

"I'm a magician"

 

"The birth control magician" Milluki mocked

 

"Just because you don't need it doesn't mean no one else does" Hisoka winked. Again. 38th time. Illumi wanted to point out that they also did not need birth control, but that was beside the point.

 

"I think it's nice of the clown to provide the world with free birth control. It's expensive, and the lack of it leads to a huge increase in teenage pregnancy, and nobody wants that" said Kalluto, who was woke as fuck for an assassin.

 

"Stop trying to be woke you kill people" Killua pointed out to the youngest boy.

 

"I love you brother"

 

"I love being part of the family" said Gon, who was a very positive boy. Bless him.

 

"Despite the joy this would give to the clown I'd appreciate if Illumi called the number 69. I'd bingo" Silva said from his throne.

 

Illumi sighed. He pulled out the next number, it was 43.

 

"It's 43"

 

A lot of nods from the group, but no comments this time. He picked the next number, but before he could say anything, a huge sweaty hand slammed on the table.

 

"I SAW YOU TAKE ONE OF MY BEADS. THIS IS WHY I HAVEN'T BINGO'D YET! ISNT IT?" Milluki pointed at Hisoka with a very shaky finger.

 

"Maybe it's just because you suck" Noted Killua.

 

"He makes a very fair point but I have, in fact, been cheating. Nothing would please me more than winning this game for my sweet Illumimi, who looks so handsome and extra frowny tonight"

 

"You make me frown"

 

"My sweet bungee gum, not in front of your parents"

 

Everyone stood up, they couldn't take it anymore. Hisoka ruined bingo.

 

"You ruined bingo" Kalluto said.

 

"Hmmm... I did, didn't I?"

 

Illumi had had enough. He saw the remains of his sunday fun crumble beneath hisoka's heel, and he hated him for it. Which was in general how he felt about Hisoka in every aspect of his life. He ran his fingers up the back of the clown's neck and grabbed him by the hair.

 

"We're leaving now"

 

"Ohh you seem angry, lover"

 

"Seems like your plan worked"

 

"So it did" Wink.

 

"That's the 39th time you've winked at me tonight. Please refrain from doing it again"

 

"Make me." The clown twitched his eye mockingly, threatening a 40th.

 

"Gladly." Illumi whispered as he pressed a needle to Hisoka's hip. "I also keep things up my sleeves"

 

"I'd be disappointed if you didn't"

 

They closed the door to Illumi's room and had kinky sex.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks if you made it this far I hope it made you laugh


End file.
